The Breakup.

I've grown to realize I miss my ex boyfriend more than I thought and have found myself crying when I text him or even think about him. We never had complete closure when we broke up..and go figure, he didn't have the balls to tell me in person so he did it over text. The first time we broke up, he did it over the phone when he was in Indianapolis for a basketball tournament. We both decided to talk about things when he came home. He came over the day after he got back and I fought 2 hours for that boy. 2 hours of proving him wrong, answering all his 'What if's' and different questions. It took maybe about 15 text messages for him to say it was over. I pushed him..but only because he pushed me to fight for him and I was wanting to see if he would do the same. Turns out I wasn't worth the energy or the fight. Its crazy how things change in a matter of weeks. We only dated for 2 months but those 2 months were the best. I gave and put everything I had into our relationship. I know I didn't fall in love with him but boy did I fall hard. And it seems like even tho I didn't love him, my heart is still breaking just as bad as when I lost my first love. We broke up about a week and a half ago and he had the nerve to text me yesterday asking if I was talking to other guys. Of course I wouldn't be talking to other guys. I turned around and asked him the same question and he told me he made plans to hang with other girls but that was it. He made it seem like our relationship didn't mean shit to him. He really made me feel horrible and stupid. For him to move on as fast as he did just proves to me it was all just a joke to him. He knew how to play the game and play it well. I'm just such a hopeless romantic that I fell for his bullshit. I'm honestly unsure of my feelings right now. I don't know if I'm scared to trust or scared to love or if I want to let someone else into my life and make me vulnerable enough to knock me down. My mom told me the other day, "Being pretty really is a sin." And its true, you don't know who's being real and who just wants to get in your pants. I just feel so lonely and so empty. I have so much love to give and it seems like every time I get into a relationship is just drains more and more out of me until I end up putting my guard up so high that it will be impossible to break down. I don't want that for myself. I'm too strong of a person to let things like this break me down. Part of me wishes that he would just realize what he missing and come back to me but the other part tells me how I deserve better than him and to just let go. Well, maybe he doesn't deserve me, but I do deserve him. I guess time will only tell what my future will look like, with or without him. I just have to wait and see if my knight & shinning armor is going to rescue me, or if it will be just another loser in tin foil.