Love Will Ruin Your Life.

Love. A word that rises many different emotions from people. For me, every time I hear the word it screams sadness. Let me start off my saying that when I love, I love hard and unconditionally. I can honestly say I've been in love with 2 guys in my life. Full hardheadedly, 100% love, die for you love. Others might have a different opinion on teen love but I for one have experienced it first hand 2 times. Love is love. I hate it when people try to tell me that I never loved them because I know I did. They don't know how I truly feel and I don't waste my breath explaining it either because it is indescribable. Long story short, I fell in love with this guy from my school last year at the end of the year and he ended up playing me. I went all summer getting over him which is when I met my exboyfriend and went out with him. School started up again and I didn't know how things were gonna really work out between me and this guy because I hadn't seen him all summer. A little while after school started my ex and I broke up, things just got too hard since we both went to different schools. Its not hard to guess what happened next...I ended up giving this guy another chance. I mean after all I was in love with him and I'm a strong believer in 2nd chances. He ended up playing me again...he can't get over this other girl and I don't know why. And I made the mistake of telling him I was in love with him and that I'd always be there for him. I tried just hating him and didn't talk to him but that only lasted a few days. Now he knows my feels for him and uses it against me. He is incredibly irresistible to me and I hate how vulnerable he makes me. Now I'm in a predicament as to what my next move should be. I know I'm always going to love him but the other feels I have for this guy literally kills me inside. I see him flirting with all these other girls and I just have to make myself look away and act like I don't care. I hate this. Feeling confused, love, hate all at the same time. I've tried letting myself just take one day at a time and maybe someone or something will happen or come into my life. Its been 3 months now and I'm still in the same situation if not deeper. My feels for him grows everyday and despite hes with this other girl (might I add that they break up every other day) he still tells me he loves me and comes to my house and kisses me. Whenever I ask him about her he says he doesn't know how they stand and that he doesn't care. I've tried just straight up trying to break things off once and for good but it never works out. We always find our way back to each other. He always promises me we will be together one day and I feel so naive for falling for everything he says to me but I can't help it. I'm emotionally drained and I'm tired of feeling love. Fml.